well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
