You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
