your thong is hanging out like whoa
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
