Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
