I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
