so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
