you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
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By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
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We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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