I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize