if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
