If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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