On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
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Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Houston, we have a squirter
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
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the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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