dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
