my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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