The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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