please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
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You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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