The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize