don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm at about main and main street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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