Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize