On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again