So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."