As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
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Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
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He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.