Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.