I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't deserve a penis
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.