and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
what day is it and did you see me today?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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