i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
