last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We need a shit load of segways right now
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
