it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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