Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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