i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
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I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
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I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize