just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
