You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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