Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Chicken burrito, or no deal.

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

Is that code for my vagina?

(402): View more from Nebraska

Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito

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(402): Chicken burrito, or no deal. (1-402): Is that code for my vagina? (402): Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito http://tfl.nu/ldfv

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(706): View more from Georgia

Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles

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(706): Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles http://tfl.nu/50ki

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(518): View more from New York

I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.

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(518): I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok. http://tfl.nu/zi5p

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.

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(262): He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too. http://tfl.nu/5j5p

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(856): View more from New Jersey

there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.

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(856): there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread. http://tfl.nu/6f5w

Replies (28) Good night (4090) Bad night (1277) Order T-Shirt
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(239): View more from Florida

I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"

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(239): I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself" http://tfl.nu/9vkt

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(561): View more from Florida

She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again

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(561): She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again http://tfl.nu/1qi4

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(702): View more from Nevada

It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.

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(702): It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B. http://tfl.nu/uw83

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(515): View more from Iowa

I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!

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(515): I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME! http://tfl.nu/9v3y

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(214): View more from Texas

Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night

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(214): Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night http://tfl.nu/b3zy

Replies (3) Good night (1776) Bad night (681)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.

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(336): I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done. http://tfl.nu/4ilz

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.

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(814): you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door. http://tfl.nu/6ofj

Replies (19) Good night (6154) Bad night (780)
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(305): View more from Florida

I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.

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(305): I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel. http://tfl.nu/egxv

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.

(615): View more from Tennessee

Like handprints on my lower back...

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(615): Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines. (615): Like handprints on my lower back... http://tfl.nu/9y3r

Replies (3) Good night (1839) Bad night (392)
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(815): View more from Illinois

I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!

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(815): I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!! http://tfl.nu/xnab

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