My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
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Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
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No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.