how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Houston, we have a squirter
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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