you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
