am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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