he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
