somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
