her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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