Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
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Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
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Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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