so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
