Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
