i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
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I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
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My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable