Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high