and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
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Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.