either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.