take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.