Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
