smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm passing your future prison.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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