And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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