He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
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Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome