I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Best friends brother. Beat that.
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apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
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She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend