Texts From Last Night

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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?

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  (218): Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew? http://tfl.nu/rj2z
  Replies (22) Good night (2839) Bad night (743)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.

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  (513): Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times. http://tfl.nu/rlhm
  Replies (21) Good night (738) Bad night (4331)
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  (415): View more from California

  I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"

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  (415): I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?" http://tfl.nu/fnwu
  Replies (11) Good night (8211) Bad night (1273)
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  (716): View more from New York

  It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.

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  (716): It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it. http://tfl.nu/308e
  Replies (5) Good night (3751) Bad night (928)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve

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  (732): Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve http://tfl.nu/de13
  Replies (4) Good night (4567) Bad night (920)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.

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  (605): If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it. http://tfl.nu/jp0c
  Replies (2) Good night (2949) Bad night (838)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt

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  (402): Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt http://tfl.nu/efn4
  Replies (7) Good night (2305) Bad night (1325)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom

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  (506): I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom http://tfl.nu/kne6
  Replies (14) Good night (645) Bad night (2473)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.

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  (703): Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who. http://tfl.nu/55li
  Replies (4) Good night (1304) Bad night (994)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.

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  (206): I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too. http://tfl.nu/htiy
  Replies (0) Good night (613) Bad night (397)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?

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  (903): I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex? http://tfl.nu/k82d
  Replies (5) Good night (772) Bad night (382)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"

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  (573): On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods" http://tfl.nu/38wh
  Replies (4) Good night (595) Bad night (336)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing

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  (646): Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing http://tfl.nu/6r92
  Replies (0) Good night (513) Bad night (801)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.

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  (561): It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him. http://tfl.nu/0htu
  Replies (2) Good night (370) Bad night (668)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Are you 5:30 blackout again?

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  (248): Are you 5:30 blackout again? http://tfl.nu/cor7
  Replies (1) Good night (313) Bad night (415)

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