I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.