Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?