R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
your room smells of hookers.
And success
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
