just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
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And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
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I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize