I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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