I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
23 Ladies Who Have Mastered The Art Of Squirting
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.