Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....