I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
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If i need to get strippers involved i will.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
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You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.