she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize