I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize