At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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