you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
